Hulk Hogan Begins His Impact-ing Days: TNA Impact Recap 10/29/09

(4 votes, average 4.00 out of 5)

Written by Shane Howard

Thursday, 29 October 2009 20:01

Before we even get to the title scene, TNA shows off their newest toy acquisition, Hulk Hogan. Be a part of history as the huge announce is tonight.

The show opens up with Desmond Wolfe, recently on Hit the Ropes, walking out to the ring. Apparently he has no issues with wearing sunglasses at night. Wolfe isn't the next big thing, he is the only thing. He was born to be the greatest fighter in the world. It is in his blood, it is in his jeans, it is what he does. In TNA, he will dominate. An insult thrown at Kurt Angle's Olympic medals brings the crowd to call for Angle. Wolfe thinks quite highly of himself as he believes last week's assault on Angle automatically makes him the greatest wrestler ever in TNA.

Out comes Angle. What is with all these roses for Kurt? They are all in his video and on his shirt. Did I miss something? Say what you want about Angle but the guy can work the mic. He will not stand for anyone coming in his backyard and pissing urinating in it. Tonight, he wants Wolfe in a streetfight.

Backstage with Lauren, AJ Styles is still clueless as to who attacked him last week. Um, if you really looked at the tape, you can clearly see that it's Samoa Joe. Come on AJ. Samoa Joe comes in and begins to plant doubt in Styles' mind about his best friend, Daniels.

Awesome Kong is out of control, destroying a dressing room.

More pimping of the Hogan press conference.

Match #1: Alissa Flash vs. Tara

I like Tara. She genuinely comes off as someone who appreciates the fans. How apropos of Tara to put Flash into the Tarantula move. Wait, did Mike Tenay just announce that the Hogan signing happened after this edition of iMPACT! aired!? That's it, next week, Michael Cole will inform all viewers of RAW the outcome of TNA's main event. Back to the match, Tara hits a superplex on Flash. Fireman's Carry by Tara gets a nearfall. Taz claims it is pretty tough to get a pinfall on a basic move like the Fireman's Carry. Can someone explain that to John Cena please?

Flash gets in control and hits Tara with a Curb Stomp. Tara is able to hoist Flash up and turn the fireman's carry into a spinning slam. Taz is once again on point and claims that it wasn't pretty but it got the job done.

Winner: Tara

After the match, Kong storms out and kicks the day, and the night lights, out of Tara. She then Implant Busters Tara unto Flash. Afterwards, she mouths "I'm back."

Opinion: For these two women to be in a match, I expected much more. The commentary held my attention more than the match. The finish of the match was weak. The only good thing was Kong's appearance. Rating: *

In the locker room, Team 3D explains to Rhino why they saved him last week. They saved Hernandez from getting suspended and not because they were seeing things Rhino's way. Rhino is paranoid according to Brother Ray.

Match #2: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D

Just in case you weren't aware, some Hulk Hogan dude signed with TNA and they plan on showing us footage from the press conference of the biggest thing to happen to TNA...EVER!

It's a shame that a MCMG's match has a 10-minute time limit. Brotha Ray hits a devastating Uranage on Chris Sabin where the young high flyer lands awkwardly on the back of his neck. I believe that is the move that caused Kevin Nash to blow up. The announcers claim that the clip of the Uranage is too hard to watch, yet we saw the replay no less than four times. It's a handicap match at this point with Shelley holding his own for the time being with 3D. Sabin had Brother D-Von in a single-leg Boston crab. The bell is rung and the MCMG get the win. Seems as if the one time that D-Von slapped the mat, the ref took that as him submitting.

Opinion: For the short amount of time, it was okay. Not great. That Uranage incident seemed to have thrown the rest of the match off. Rating: *1/2

Scott Steiner sees that Kristal Lashley wants and needs to be one of his freaks. Steiner lets us all know that he will be "watching" Lashley's match tonight.

WWE isn't the only one working with NASCAR as we see Amazing Red and Don West on Hermie Sadler's "Hermie's Hot Seat."

Match #3: Eric Young © vs. Bobby Lashley (TNA Legends Championship match)

10 dollars if you can guess who will leave with the belt after watching Steiner's backstage segment earlier. Mrs. Lashley is sitting at ringside, because the way to keep your wife safe is to bring her to your workplace where the person who wants her also works.

When both men are outside the ring, Steiner, sporting a shirt with Kristal's likeness, attacks Lashley from behind. Kristal is not impressed and attempts to slap him but Steiner was ready for that. Before he can do anything, male Lashley intervenes. This all happens in front of the referee but the match isn't called. Back in the ring, Lashely hits Young with a gut buster and then locks in his submission move. Steiner strikes Lashley on the back with a chair and the match is finally thrown out. After the bell, Steiner locks Lashley in the Steiner Recliner.

Opinion: Was this really a match? I can never understand TNA's rules when it comes to disqualifications. There are always attacks from outside parties, yet the bell doesn't ring. This match was solely to further the Steiner/Lashley feud. Did it have to happen at the expense of a title match? Rating: *

The World Elite is in the ring sporting some spiffy personalized track suits. I think they spoke to the Spirit Squad for style tips. Brutus Magnus informs us that after last week's attack on the ref, they have been suspended until the Turning Point pay-per-view. They have also been fined. But that was all a part of their plan. Now they are on a vacation. Eric Young states that he handed Lashley his first loss in TNA (although the match was thrown out). His big announcement: the Legends title is no more. It is now the TNA Global Championship. His new belt has two stipulations: It will never be defended on United States soil nor to a person born of the US.

Nash comes out and he isn't happy about being screwed out of his money and title at Bound for Glory. TWE doesn't realize Beer Money Inc. is in the ring and the members of the stable are hit chair shots and a stop sign.

Daniels meets up with Styles in the back. Daniels isn't happy that Styles appears to not believe him. You boys and your drama.

Match #4: The Beautiful People vs. ODB, Christy Hemme, and Hamada

Big Fallaway Slam by ODB on Velvet Sky. Madison Rayne gets a Bronco Buster from ODB. Hemme gets the tagged in and Rayne knocks ODB to the outside. Hemme goes for her FFG (which takes far too long to execute), but Sky moves out of the way. Lacey Von Erich comes in and hits a weak chokeslam for the win.

Opinion: Was I watching a WWE Diva's match there? It sure came off like it. Von Erich is far too green, but seeing as how there is no developmental for TNA, we'll have to sit through her being on our television weekly. Rating: 1/2*

After the match, Kong returns but Tara gets to her before Kong can enter the ring. About six or seven men finally separates the two women but not for long. They go back to brawling before we go to commercial. Why? I already used the bathroom during that six-Knockout tag match.

Match #5: Dr. Stevie vs. Abyss (No DQ match)

I love how they bill Dr. Stevie from a hospital. The doc tries to attack Abyss while he comes down the ramp but Abyss isn't having any of it. (Hogan press conference reminder) Abyss launches two garbage cans filled with toys weapons into the ring, having both of them hit Dr. Stevie. The patient is able to give the doctor a Shock Treatment after stopping a Tornado DDT and Super Kick attempt by Stevie.

After the match, the doc takes out Abyss with a kendo stick. Abyss is being choked out and Mick Foley comes out. Dr. Stevie hands the stick to Foley and Foley clocks the doc with it.

Winner: Abyss

Opinion: These matches tonight have sucked. A No-DQ match should be entertaining. Outside of the flying garbage cans, this was pretty blah. Not sure what the angle is now with Foley/Abyss/Dr. Stevie. Rating: *1/2

Match #6: Rhino vs. Matt Morgan

During the match, they talk about Morgan being a part of American Gladiators, so he and Hogan has that in common. The announcers discuss the chance that Rhino isn't paranoid at all about the youngsters taking out the veterans. Rhino hits a belly-to-belly on Morgan midmatch. The former ECW star goes for the Gore but he meets the Carbon Footprint.

Rhino hits another belly-to-belly after the match. He is able to hit the Gore on Morgan. Hernandez comes out sending Rhino scurrying. He vows that no one will take Rhino out of TNA.

Opinion: Nothing spectacular. Nothing horrible either. Poor Hernandez. He goes from Eric Young and Kevin Nash to Rhino. He's heading the wrong way I say. Rating: **

Joe and Daniels are discussing the Styles situation. Now Joe plants ideas into Daniels' head that Styles doesn't see the Fallen Angel as a threat for his title. Oh, that Joe. he's such a manipulator.

Don West is telling us the upcoming shows for TNA. Homicide interrupts and threatens the pitch man. Homicide wants Red at Turning Point for his X Division title. To guarantee that he gets his match, Homicide takes West's Driver's license, as well as some spending money.

Angle is ready for his match tonight with Wolfe. Wolfe's attack last week was a short cut to the top.

Breaking news, the world champion has been attacked again. Perhaps he should seek a bodyguard if this is going to be a weekly occurence. Oh no, Styles seems to be bleeding. Lauren will stay atop of the situation. Isn't she grand?

Main Event: Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe (Street Fight)

Our first real look at Wolfe in a TNA ring. Tenay informs us that he has just learned that the production crew has finally put the video together of the Hogan press conference and it will air after this match. As if they didn't have that planned from the beginning.

Wolfe focuses on Angle's surgically-repaired neck. Vintage Kurt Angle here as he hits the triple German suplex. Wolfe isn't down for long and he nearly breaks Angle in half with a clothesline. Earl Hebner tells Wolfe that is it. Wolfe threatens to end Angle's career right now. Angle really looks out of it. Commercial break. Back from break, we see Angle being stretchered out. Hope he doesn't go the way of Booker T.

Winner: No Contest

Opinion: Well, that was a sick move to end the match, no doubt. I'm sure the next time these two meet, the match will be ten times better. This was simply to whet our appetites. Rating: **

Finally, TNA is able to show off their new puppy. We get the video of Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Dixie Carter at Madison Square Garden, where we learn of Hogan coming to TNA. Hogan thinks that TNA will lead the way in the future when it comes to professional wrestling. He thinks a little momentum shift, like signing himself, is what will help make the company number one in sports entertainment.

Overall Opinion

The show was not at all the best that we have seen from the company. Seven matches are just far too many to have in a two-hour block. The individuals who stepped in the ring, for the most part, are capable of putting on great matches. This wasn't seen tonight.

Far too many plugs for the Hogan video at the end. I understand that it is major news, but how many reminders before it becomes overkill?

I rather a show ends on a high note. In a way to have us on the edge of our seats for next time. The fact is, by the time iMPACT! aired, we've all seen the Hogan press conference.

Hopefully, next week is a far better show than this one was.

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